obsessive compulsive disorder #2

I HATE this feeling! My chest is tight, there's a lump in my throat and the air around me is getting thin. Panic attacks are terrifying. OCD is not an easy thing to live with. I am currently crying my eyes out over GROUND BEEF. Yes, ground beef. I have fears of germs and getting sick from food among other fears cooralated to my anxiety disorder. Two days ago we bought ground beef from the store. Yesterday I was going to cook tacos with it but I couldn't. Why? Because I found a bug in the kitchen so I couldn't cook in there till it all was spotless. Today I had planned on trying to cook dinner again with the ground beef but I couldn't. Why? Because it had been in the fridge for two days. So I had to spend more money to buy more ground beef. Third attempt, new ground beef, couldn't do it. Why? This time when I opened the beef the inside was brown like it had been cooked. I have now thrown out $20 worth of food. I don't want to. I want to be able to eat anything anywhere no matter what. But I can't. Life isn't easy for me. The most basic thing like eating is a challenge. So here I am, hungry, frustrated, broke and sick of wasting money. This is my life. This is what I struggle with daily: OCD is no joking matter. #EndTheStigma Side note: I am VERY lucky to have my loving gf who tells me everything will be ok and goes through a million different options to find a solution. She's so patient and amazing. She even told me to smoke and take it easy while she goes to the store for me to figure out a new plan for dinner and then she's going to cook for me. I'm blessed to have found her.